4

On any given week I have two days off. Normally it happens in a row and it never lands on a weekend. Management has always been in control over this happening. If I wanted a weekend off I would have to request it and 9 times out of 10 it was required that I use a vacation day or something of that sort be sorted to make it happen.  Now this sounds like a trivial thing but if you work at night and on a weekend this isn’t a Trivial thing to think about.

I am also under the mindset that management is in control over pretty much whatever goes on at work. If I am doing a good job management should make that clear. If something isn’t being done.. again management should make that clear. Thus far it has worked that way and communication has never been an issue. I bring up problems and I leave it to management to settle that.

Now what does any of this have to do with my life o Nocturnal?  In the time that I have settled my life this way work has been the core. If my job requested me to work during the day I would probably go back to being a day time person. It’s my own habits and my own ruling that make it all work. Foundation is what is happening here and that is what we are talking about this time.

Now last month my management changed for reasons untold to me. So for the past month “Almost exactly today”. I have been dealing with new management and all that has gone into what my job is. In truth I didn’t expect it to change much because my job is very very routine. I can pretty much make a step by step plan for how the 8 hour shifts will go. What the store requires to happen for it to run correctly. Trut with time I refine and even improve some of my methods but that comes with experience I BELIEVE.

So far it’s work for my benefit and I have thus witnessed massive improvements in the work I do. Organization I have always felt is key to make things work and so far I feel it’s working. How it’s effected me in regards to this I will now have more time for myself to work on weekends. Visit family and friends.. Make things work better for myself in that I can interact with family now that I will have some weekend time to do so!

Is it going to change the Nocturnal Life of me? No.. because this is the life I have and regardless that experience is going to translate into this. We will see what happens from here on out. This being post 4 I think it’s going in a positive direction.

 

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3

Dreams are funny to me because for someone who doesn’t sleep much I do dream a lot. More often than I want to admit the dreams are as I like to call them visions. Not direct by any means but underlined in truth.

Today I had a dream about my possible future. The underline was telling me that I needed to step away from things to get better. This has been a recurring message give to me not only by people but by visions like this one.

What sort of things need to change?  Using need also is in itself excessive because going back to the things we need this isn’t a true statement. I don’t need to change anything but I probably should. Yet still that raises the question…why?

If any person advances to the point that the feeling of discomfort follows that is a sign of wanted/”needed” change should happen. Like for example people will come to me with relationship issues. It always comes down to what one person is comfortable with and the other is not. I think the real definition for a relationship should be based on the basic statement of it. RELATION….SHIP.. You should relate to the person by chose not because you feel obligated to do it. SHIP..meaning to ship together..wanting to be together for a common emotional benefit.

If you are unhappy or uncomfortable you shouldn’t be with that person OR at the very best you should be capable of resolve with that person. Isn’t that why you are with them to begin with? I mean yes it could purely be a physical thing but regardless that point should be taken as is defined BEFORE you mix up emotions. Unless you are a prick or a bitch in which case you get what you get.  Yet change is still required to continue the COMFORTABLE life we all chase after.

AGAIN .. what sort of things need to change? Nothing as dramatic as a relationship but more so the motivation I am feeling. Something is telling me I should feel more comfortable with the place I am at. I should be and can be in a better situation for that yes? What factors into any of this anyway?

Emotion, Currency, state of mind, physical being, and these are all just basic topics. I work at night 40 hours a week. Currency isn’t currently an issue and in reality IT’S ABOUT TO GET A TON BETTER. I have been facing the dreads of debt the last 7 years because of past mistakes I have made and this year it will finally be OVER. So that’s a positive feeling to be ruled out. Emotionally I feel I am in a good place. Often a bit dark yes but it has always been dark since I was 15 years old. It never stays light and I think that is just a part of my being an adult. True I am not as dramatic as showing it as I once was..but blah to that to begin with. What about my state of mind?

State of mind is a bit more complicated and again if I really think about it I am sure I can come up with some longer answers for all of these topics. However with state of mind I come to find that changes day by day. Physical being I am working on and can honestly say that this is the healthiest I have ever been my entire life. Is it ideal for myself? No but what truely is.. I set a goal.. I come close to it.. and I hope for the best.. that is how I do everything.

2

I don’t sleep much beyond 4 hours at a time. Some people question why this is? Fact is my brain has always been this way. I function better this way so as to get whatever I can done during the day while maintaining enough energy to work at night. The only time this has ever really changed was once when I took a Benadryl and it knocked me out for almost 13 hours straight. I’ll probably never do that again!

I have always felt sleep is a waste of time and if I could find away NATURALLY to do without it I probably would. I have never been one for drugs or any substance to consume to fix this. Hell I barely like taking Aspirin and I rarely ever drink. Many people question why I am like that? Do I have issues with said things?

Drugs have never been a thought in my mind. Growing up with some serious breathing problems caused me to really hate drugs. Call it a prejudice view on the topic but with all the stuff I had to take as a kid that really sucked to help me get past just breathing. I prejudged everything in the category and said.. yea.. I can do without that.

Drinking I will do on rare rare rare occasions. As a teenager I did drink a big amount and only found it made me more depressed and less creative. I think everyone can relate to having a heart broken and trying to drink that away. Personally I did it far to much before the age of 21 that once I turned 21 it just lost all it’s appeal. Now here is a funny topic..

Weed and yes I am one of those people that include Weed in the topic of drugs. I know plenty of people that love the stuff and I have been offered by pretty much everyone I know who smokes it to do so with them. However again.. It just never appealed to me. I never seen the point and honestly it never turned me on. Which is exactly what I want to get to with this topic today.

Sleeping I do to gain energy to keep my mind going “Which it always is”. I question things to much and do the best I can to logically live my life. Probably the most impulsive stuff I do is along the sexual lines of my life. I have always felt sex should be impulsive because it should always be about having a good time and of course love.  Again.. another time I will get back to later on.

So in my mind humans have 3 things that are a constant to living. You can’t live without these 3 things.. Breathing, Eating, and Sleep. Now this isn’t to say those 3 things are limited to being luxuries also. You have to breath.. How much you breath is A Luxury. The same can be said for eating and sleeping. Me being an American you can imagine I probably am in the good position to do all three very well without ever having to think about it much.

As I said before the topic of sleep is limited to me because that is simply my nature. Having insomnia and now just adapting to living this life really only sees sleep as a waste of time. Eating however I have come to find is more of a scientific thing rather then something I feel I must do. In the past 2 years I will say I have become increasingly aware of my age.

Things that didn’t matter before matter a bit more now. I am thinking this is just how age works. So I have adapted into my life a routine of workout concepts that if I am being honest with myself I don’t do often enough. At best I will work out 5 days a week.. at worst.. 2 days. This concept has actually increased the past 7 or 8 months because I joined a gym.

Consuming Food has become part of that concept and it really does effect the amount of work I am capable of doing during said workouts. I am still trying to balance the diet with the workout and thus far I can say I have seen some good results but do feel more can and WILL BE DONE.

Eating was never about comfort but more about getting my mind to a place I wanted it to be. I don’t get depressed and eat candy. I eat candy because I had been able to do so without it changing anything about my body. In recent years this has changed so I don’t do it NEARLY as much as I once did. Does this change my behavior?

Not really. Sugar while at few and far times can cause a sugar rush it never really was something I CHASED after or felt I needed. It was simply something that was or wasn’t. So in the areas of food and all that I feel I am leveled. As a matter a fact in the areas of all the 3 I feel I am leveled to a point that I am very comfortable with on both a mental and physical state.

It’s not easy living at night because of the lack of sun. THE body requires a amount of sun and without it the mind does go into some pretty dark places. So I have learned that taking the luxury of the sun as it is a face value subject. As I get older I am finding I enjoy it more and more. Hell this might eventually effect my mind to wanting to be out in it more often.. but.. this is also unlikely to happen soon?

1

What’s it like for a person to live life almost entirely at night? I never thought about it much until I started thinking I should write some of this information down. In truth the past 10 years of my life hasn’t been very different from the years before. I think it’s because most of the excitement in my life happened at night. I mean think about what you might do at night?

Most people relax and sleep. Others party, have sex, drink, and more often dwell on random thought. I once read an article that said most of the best art done in history gets done at night and by insomniacs. I can say that I was without a question an Insomniac by definition before I started my job. If I think back to how it started I guess I could blame the computer screen.

I have always been a computer/video game guy. That has always been my most addictive hobby. Staying up late and fiddling with this and that just to learn more about people. Which if I come to think about it was pretty funny cause I hated being around people but loved reading about behavior.  Why would someone do this or that? It was interesting to me.

Yet I think about it all and I think it was the search that made everything that followed happen. I was not only a curious kid but I wanted to know why things turned out. How!? So at what point do I start my story? Well I suppose the first thing to do is to explain that I almost didn’t Finish High School and that I was never in pursuit of anything. Even my interest in Computer Science was limited and I never gave it a second thought to think about what my adult life was going to be like after it was all said and done.  I just wanted to finish School get a job and at some point maybe fall in love.

Romantic? ME!?…Perhaps a little but not the way you are thinking. I just wanted someone who I could complain to who I felt really listened to me. Which later in life I found! but…that was much much later when I knew I was actually looking for that.  GOING OFF PATH… I tend to do that so bare with me here. So I finished High School and in a couple of months after that I got a job. It was a simple job and really it had me interacting with people far more than I ever wanted too. Yet it brought me out of my shell of Isolation and helped me get on my feet for some “ADULT LIVING”.

At some point the Night Shift opened up to me and that is the place I would become most useful to the job. Again I didn’t think it was going to be a long lasting thing I would follow. It simply was a job, I needed the money, and it happened to be at night. I learned quickly I was good at it cause of my Insomnia.  So I just kept with it and didn’t think much about the future. You meet all sorts of people at night that you simply CAN’T meet during the day.

People with depression so high that drinking and drugs are the only answer. People coming home from work who just want to have a couple second before bed whom want to chat. I have heard stories and seen things from people at night that during the day those same people probably don’t even remember talking to me.  To be fair Day me isn’t the same as Night me. During the day I am a bit more dramatic with my fashion but I have always been that way.

As a teenager it was called Gothic. As an Adult I think it’s just a love for the color black. The rest I will leave to you. Why know so much about the physical part..it takes out of the story if I tell you to much. So the night life it was for me..and believe me I tried to avoid it. Even quit my job to go to school about two years after starting the job. Left to live in the city and when that didn’t work I went back to working at another job IN THE CITY.

This was the first mistake…I think.