As an adult I notice I give a great deal of what I can to others. I never expect anything back from it but often I find myself with that overwhelming feeling of “I do more for you”. This isn’t with everyone I know but it with MOST people I know. I don’t know if it’s just my nature or if perhaps it’s something I have grown to do but I notice that it’s something that is in my personality.
For example I say “Lets go get pancakes!” You come along and I might do something crazy like pay for it all. The next time I repeat the good idea I come to find that 85% of the time I am with people it isn’t reciprocated. I don’t expect it to be but I do find that the percentage is a bit high for my liking. I can’t think of one specific person this is for so I can really group about 85% of the people I know.
Sometimes it is depressing because I do it often. Sometimes I feel the thought come to mind that fate has made this an important part of my life. Something I KNOWN for doing because of my good heart or just plan stupidity. I am known to give and be general with those I care about. I also think it is how I am able to write people off so quickly if should one of those people fuck me over.
No More Breakfast for you miss or Mr!
Being young and now old I come to find if I don’t put every effort forward it simply doesn’t come to terms as fair or polite at times. My parents have told me that I should be more selfish with myself. Personally I sit in this room full of proof that I can be selfish that I think I am doing well with that. Yet often I wonder if that is true.
Should I BE more selfish? Should I spend the extra dollar on myself instead of others? I often do question that…
I like what I like and that has always been true. I was the person who walked around wearing black Gothic crap and talked about Pokemon. Everyone thought I was into death but fact is I was more into Ice Cream and Cotton Candy. The exact opposite of what you would think I would be.
Which is funny cause that is exactly how I have always portrayed myself. Always trying to keep people guessing I suppose. That brings me to today’s notes… How do I wear this mask? Some people say acting is difficult and for the most part I think it’s just the way I have always lived my life.
I am good at wearing this mask because it’s become a part of the person I am. Some might even say it’s a layered personality but truth is I don’t know how anyone could stand being around me if I didn’t wear the mask. Lets review what I have written so far.. and consider the fact that this is the only place I ever take it off. Hell I won’t even let people know about this writing because it reveals to much about myself!
However at the core of what I have been doing and how I have been doing it I think in the grand scheme of things I have come up with a couple of conclusions.
First I am generally happy and happy because I get what I want and do what I want. Second I never have and never will see the point in lying about anything because it presents to much drama and I don’t see the point in any of that bullshit. Some live for that kinda thing but it was never my own taste.
Third and probably most importantly I have always taken the lead with everything I have ever done. Hell it shows in the work I present, how I present myself, and without question in my personality. How many people live this life style and do it with the purpose of truth anyway.
Yes I have heard many people say and I quote “I hate people” yet have a ton more friends than I can even count. Which is funny cause I can count pretty fucking high. Regardless.. I am doing all of this for myself and that has never been the question.
Getting back on topic.. We choose what we do every single day. So if you wake up with a hang over and you look in a mirror guess who you blame? YOU. If you yell at your children the night before and you don’t remember doing it.. guess who’s to blame? again…You..
Just saying.. don’t blame anyone for the situation you are in other than yourself. Even if you think you didn’t have control over some aspect of it.. it’s still.. THE SITUATION YOU .. ARE…IN…