As an adult I notice I give a great deal of what I can to others. I never expect anything back from it but often I find myself with that overwhelming feeling of “I do more for you”. This isn’t with everyone I know but it with MOST people I know. I don’t know if it’s just my nature or if perhaps it’s something I have grown to do but I notice that it’s something that is in my personality.
For example I say “Lets go get pancakes!” You come along and I might do something crazy like pay for it all. The next time I repeat the good idea I come to find that 85% of the time I am with people it isn’t reciprocated. I don’t expect it to be but I do find that the percentage is a bit high for my liking. I can’t think of one specific person this is for so I can really group about 85% of the people I know.
Sometimes it is depressing because I do it often. Sometimes I feel the thought come to mind that fate has made this an important part of my life. Something I KNOWN for doing because of my good heart or just plan stupidity. I am known to give and be general with those I care about. I also think it is how I am able to write people off so quickly if should one of those people fuck me over.
No More Breakfast for you miss or Mr!
Being young and now old I come to find if I don’t put every effort forward it simply doesn’t come to terms as fair or polite at times. My parents have told me that I should be more selfish with myself. Personally I sit in this room full of proof that I can be selfish that I think I am doing well with that. Yet often I wonder if that is true.
Should I BE more selfish? Should I spend the extra dollar on myself instead of others? I often do question that…